genetically blithe

Before drifting off into a sea of my own thoughts in the middle of Philosophy class, the professor was reiterating Aquinas' Quinque Viae. After the first few minutes of his lecture, I couldn't help but ponder on my own temporal existence. As my body sat there, taking notes by instinct and habit, my mind was fluttering through the beauty of co-existing with others. (Please forgive me God, I do not mean to drift off while another is presenting me with arguments that support Divine Providence... I was created with a short attention span and a wild imagination)

We, as people, are all contingent beings according to Aquinas. Our simultaneous existence overlap and, if we're lucky, they intertwine. My relation to the people around me, especially those that I hold dearly, was purely based on chance. It was accidental. I could have been in a different time and place, loving and being loved by different people. But I'm here now. And everything and everyone else followed. And as I sat there, staring blankly at my incomprehensible scribbles (oh... the disadvantages of taking notes out of habit and not really paying attention), I realized that this is the best, the most profound, and the most beautiful accident I've ever experienced.

This is not to say that I'll revert back to the days where everything was based on pure chance (the way the fork would fall, the random signs and the "yes or no?"s) and I refused to help write my fate because that's just stupid. I've lost some of the stupidity.

I hate how the most random lectures bring out the romantic in me.
I hate it even more when I sit in class, thinking up something like this and then realizing that it's not like everything is peachy and dandy. In a perfect world, I wouldn't be grieving my temporary loss.

The hardest part about saying goodbye (apart from almost not getting to say goodbye because of the circumstances) is knowing that I'll have to press the pause button again. Some people think choosing to be together is absurd, especially since I spend most of our time either lamenting over the gaping hole in my heart because of your absence or complaining about the sorrow of being taken for granted in your presence.

Strange, isn't it?

I'd still choose you despite all the wars we (okay, fine... I) fight.

:: the phone rings ::